Does Controlling Your Emotions Relate to Not Being Your True Self?

1. Introduction

The dynamics between emotions and authenticity have always been a topic of intrigue. This article delves into whether controlling emotions equates to inauthenticity, considering the complexity of emotions and varied understandings of authenticity.

2. Understanding Emotions

Emotions are intricate responses to various stimuli, influenced by our perceptions and experiences. They can sway our actions and decisions but aren't innately good or bad.

3. The Social Perspective

Societal norms often emphasize emotional restraint, especially in professional settings, where overt emotional displays might be deemed disruptive or unprofessional.

4. Emotional Suppression vs. Emotional Regulation

Distinguishing between suppression and regulation is vital. Suppression is about denying feelings, while regulation involves understanding and expressing emotions appropriately.

4.1 Emotional Suppression

Emotional suppression is the conscious or subconscious effort to block or inhibit emotional experiences. Unlike emotional regulation, which involves acknowledging, understanding, and appropriately expressing emotions, suppression involves pushing emotions aside, often without addressing or processing them.

At times, suppression can serve as a temporary coping mechanism. In situations where immediate emotional expression may not be appropriate or safe, suppression can act as a protective barrier. 

4.2 Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation refers to the processes individuals use to initiate, inhibit, or modulate their emotional responses. Unlike emotional suppression, which involves pushing feelings aside, emotional regulation is about understanding and managing emotions in a way that is appropriate to the situation.

Emotions, if unregulated, can cloud judgment. Emotional regulation offers clarity, allowing individuals to make decisions that reflect not just transient feelings but also logical reasoning. It prevents impulsive actions that one might later regret.

By recognizing and managing strong emotional responses, individuals can communicate more effectively, reducing misunderstandings and potential conflicts. Mastery over one's emotional responses contributes to an individual's overall mental well-being. It aids in resilience, allowing individuals to face challenges without being overwhelmed by intense emotional reactions.

Emotional regulation is not about denying feelings but rather understanding and expressing them in a balanced and productive manner.

5. The Psychological Perspective

Controlling emotions doesn't always mean being inauthentic. Emotional intelligence, encompassing emotional control, is deemed essential for mental health and social interactions.

Effective emotion control provides tools to cope with life's challenges. By understanding and managing intense emotional reactions, individuals can navigate adversities without being overwhelmed, promoting psychological resilience.

6. Authenticity and Its Interpretations

Authenticity has varied definitions. Some view it as freely expressing emotions, while others believe it's about recognizing feelings and deciding how to act on them.

The pursuit of authenticity has been at the heart of philosophical, psychological, and existential quests for ages. It represents the ideal of being true to oneself, of living in a manner consistent with one's core beliefs, feelings, and identity. However, the definition of what it means to be 'authentic' is multifaceted and has led to various interpretations.

6.1 Expressive Authenticity

At its core, expressive authenticity champions the uninhibited expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and emotions. It revolves around the belief that our true selves are best represented when we allow our internal states to manifest externally without filtration or moderation.

Proponents of expressive authenticity argue that raw, unfiltered emotion is the purest form of truth. It serves as an honest mirror to one's internal state, making interpersonal interactions genuine and preventing the emotional bottling up that can lead to psychological distress.

However, expressive authenticity, when taken to the extreme, can lead to impulsiveness or disregard for social and contextual norms. While it promotes emotional transparency, it might sometimes sideline the importance of emotional intelligence or the nuances of social interaction.

6.2 Deliberative Authenticity

Deliberative authenticity stands somewhat in contrast to its expressive counterpart. It suggests that true authenticity is not just about immediate expression but involves introspection, understanding, and deliberate choice in how we present and act upon our emotions.

Advocates of this viewpoint argue that understanding one's emotions deeply and choosing how to express them provides a richer, more nuanced authenticity. It combines self-awareness with self-control, ensuring that one's external expressions are not just genuine but also aligned with a broader understanding of oneself and one's values.

Deliberative authenticity allows for a balanced existence in which emotions are genuinely felt and understood, but their expression is modulated according to context, wisdom, and long-term considerations. This approach values emotional depth and maturity, recognizing that immediate expression is not always synonymous with true authenticity.

7. The Philosophical Angle

Originating in Ancient Greece, Stoicism posits that the path to virtue and happiness lies in understanding the difference between what we can and cannot control. For the Stoics, emotions arise from judgments, and while we may not control external events, we can control our reactions to them.

Stoics believe that many negative emotions arise from mistaken judgments about the world. By refining our judgments and perceptions, we can avoid many of the negative emotions that disturb the mind. This doesn't mean suppressing emotions but reshaping them through wisdom and perspective.

Central to Buddhist philosophy is the concept of dukkha, often translated as suffering or unsatisfactoriness. Emotions, especially those stemming from desire and attachment, can perpetuate dukkha. By observing and understanding the transient nature of emotions, individuals can achieve a state of equanimity and reduce suffering.

Taoist philosophy emphasizes living in harmony with the Tao, often understood as the way or flow of the universe. Emotional upheaval is seen as resistance to the Tao. By embracing acceptance and not being overly swayed by emotions, one can align more closely with the natural flow of things.

Existentialist philosophers, such as Jean-Paul Sartre and Friedrich Nietzsche, emphasize living authentically. They caution against societal pressures that might lead one to deny or suppress genuine emotions. For them, emotional expression is closely tied to authentic existence.

While existentialists stress genuine emotion, they also underscore that individuals have the responsibility for their emotional states, as emotions arise from our choices and interpretations of the world.

In contemporary philosophy, emotions are often viewed as cognitive evaluations. Martha Nussbaum, for instance, sees emotions as value-laden judgments about important things in our lives. From this perspective, understanding and regulating emotions is akin to refining our evaluative judgments about the world.

8. The Double-Edged Sword of Emotional Control

Emotions serve as the cornerstone of human experience, shaping our reactions, guiding our choices, and coloring our worldviews. However, while emotions are innately human, the way we manage them—particularly the practice of emotional regulation—can have significant repercussions for our lives. In understanding the benefits of emotional regulation, we delve into its capacity to prevent unnecessary conflict, improve decision-making, and foster healthier relationships.

Emotional control has its pros and cons. Let's dive into them.

8.1 The Positive

One of the foremost advantages of emotional regulation is its ability to act as a buffer against unnecessary conflict. We live in a diverse world, where we constantly interact with varied personalities, opinions, and worldviews. In such a milieu, it's inevitable that situations will arise that challenge our patience, beliefs, or perspectives.

Life continually requires us to make decisions—some minor, like choosing a meal, and others of more profound significance, like career choices or relationship commitments.

Emotions, particularly intense ones, can cloud judgment. Emotional regulation offers a clearer lens, allowing for more objective evaluation of situations. By regulating strong emotional responses, individuals can assess scenarios with a balanced perspective, ensuring that decisions are not solely based on fleeting feelings but on a combination of emotion and reason.

Emotional regulation aids in preventing myopic decisions based on temporary emotions. By regulating emotions, individuals can more easily consider long-term implications, making choices that are beneficial in the broader scope of their lives.

Emotions are intertwined with relationships, be they familial, romantic, or platonic. Emotional regulation plays a pivotal role in nurturing these relationships.

Emotional regulation facilitates open and effective communication. When individuals can understand and manage their emotions, they are better positioned to express their feelings clearly, listen to others without becoming defensive, and resolve issues amicably.

By regulating one's emotions, individuals are often better able to empathize with others. Recognizing one's feelings and understanding their origin can help individuals relate to the emotions of others, fostering deeper connections and mutual understanding.

Relationships can be emotionally taxing. By practicing emotional regulation, individuals can reduce feelings of emotional exhaustion, ensuring they have the emotional energy to invest in and nurture their relationships.

Emotional regulation, far from being a suppression of genuine feelings, emerges as a tool for enhancing life in various dimensions. By preventing unnecessary conflicts, refining decision-making processes, and cultivating healthier relationships, emotional regulation proves to be a key component of a balanced, harmonious life. The ability to understand, manage, and appropriately express emotions is not merely a skill but a gateway to a more nuanced, enriched human experience.

8.2 The Negative

One of the most direct consequences of excessive emotional control is the accumulation of suppressed emotions. When we consistently stifle our feelings, they don't disappear; they merely get bottled up. Over time, these accumulated emotions can create a pressure-cooker effect, leading to unexpected emotional outbursts or intense internal conflict.

Over-controlling emotions often means acting contrary to how we genuinely feel. This can result in cognitive dissonance—a state of mental discomfort arising from conflicting beliefs or feelings. Living in such a state can be mentally taxing and can lead to confusion, restlessness, and internal chaos.

When we over-control our emotions, we present a curated version of ourselves to the world. Such a facade can impede genuine connections, making relationships feel superficial. Over time, this can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Beyond alienating others, excessive control over our emotions can lead to self-alienation. Continual suppression can distance us from our true selves, making us feel estranged from our feelings and inner experiences.

Consistently suppressing or denying emotions has been linked to psychological conditions such as anxiety and depression. When emotions aren't processed or expressed, they can manifest in more insidious ways, affecting mental health.

The mind-body connection means that prolonged emotional suppression can also have physical ramifications. Symptoms can range from fatigue and sleep disturbances to more severe conditions like immune system suppression or cardiovascular problems.

Emotions, including the unpleasant ones, provide opportunities for growth and self-understanding. By consistently stifling them, individuals may deprive themselves of these growth opportunities, leading to stunted emotional maturity and resilience.

9. Conclusion

Does controlling emotions mean inauthenticity? The answer is multifaceted. While consistent suppression might lead to inauthenticity, regulation based on understanding might be viewed as authentic. The essence lies in the nature of control. Emotional suppression can distance one from authenticity, whereas regulation based on understanding and conscious action can be seen as genuine. Emotions are central to human life, and the manner in which we comprehend and express them is integral to our journey toward authenticity. Balance is crucial: a balance between comprehension, expression, and control.